Tuesday, December 18, 2012

BE MORE

I remember when I came to a point, just a few years ago, that I felt like I wanted to be "more than just a Birth Mom".  I think my own progression wasn't going where I wanted it to because I was still so angry with some people, and going through more hard things. 
I remember writing a letter to S asking her to know that I think of her more than just as E's Mom. I think of her as my sister. So on and so on. I remember something in the area of, "I hope that our relationship is more than just that of his Birth Mom, and you guys his Birth Parents.". I am not sure where those feelings came from, or whey they stayed.  I am not aware of the moment when I truly felt as if I were done being just his Birth Mom, and being family.  BUT, I do know that with clarity, faith, discussions, and blessings, I have finally gotten over some huge obstacles in my life.

Yesterday I received a Christmas card from S's sister. She is my age, she is GORGEOUS, and she and I have only met once!  She has had some incredibly life changing moments in the last 5-6 years of her life. And she is such an example of sticking with it. Of a beacon of light, of faith, of strength. More and more this family is feeling like... my family:).  I can't explain that in my personal story, how much I LOVED getting that Christmas card.  How much it meant to me. It meant we were more than just a couple people.  

I am so so grateful for those that came into my life because of R, S, E, A, & A:).  Seriously, i know that has to be funny:)(the initial thing).  I am grateful for their parents. I am so grateful for their siblings, for the beauty of their children.  

When we lived in AZ for a couple months, I got to go visit S's parents often.  On one occasion I'd brought along baby Mak, and it just so happened that Annie & her kids were coming over.  I wondered if I should go, as to not make anyone uncomfortable.  I was taken back when Nana said, "Oh you need to stay so T can see the baby!."  I was taken back again as if it was seeing someone I'd missed so much and we just picked up where we left off.  It was so fun meeting her kids. To join more family. 

Adoption is a wonderful world. Adoption has so many positive aspects. I really can only think of one negative... ok 2. One being the bad memories of the BF, and the fact that I pulled an awesome one and got pregnant before I got married. I rule I tell ya:).  I am so grateful for the family that  I have gained. I am pretty sure that I will NEVER go long before I say to someone, post on here, or write in my personal journal how much I love this family and how they mean so much to me.   WHAT A BLESSING.  

I can't wait to send out their cards:)

(no this is not it, the picture is... but the writing and plain-ness is not:))

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Getting back on the Wagon

I am starting to write a "schedule" for myself.  It seems that life creeps up on you and you end up having 2 sick babies for over 2 weeks. Just when Bubba slept through the night(last night), Roo decided she wanted to take a whack at my sanity. Possibly, my children think that I am an insomniac and do not require sleep. I think they try to be funny:).  OK- so either way, it was a blessing for my baby girl to need to be wrapped up and walked around outside. She stared at the Christmas lights that we put up and snuggled close. Who cares if it was 1 in the morning?!

So there we have life with 3 kids. Well, a bit of life.  And I am so grateful. Every time I get mad I end up walking to a corner, grabbing my hair(temped to rip it out), and take a deep breath. At that moment I remember something- or more so - I remember someone(s).  I remember R & S, imagining the nights they wished they were up with a baby. I remembered my sister, trying so desperately to conceive. I remember my friends, waiting and waiting and waiting, for the miracle and love of an expectant mom.  And I remember my sis-in-law, waiting over 10 years to receive the blessing of her own children. 

Where would this world be if it were not for adoption? Where would the world be if it weren't for adoptions through Foster care?  I recently found out a friend of mine and her hubby are hoping to adopt a little girl they have had since she was born; and placed with them through foster care. I could feel the love they have for her. And how they long for her!  I hope it works out!

In the last few days of November, I was able to look back and remember the last 9 years one more. I was able to remember all those wonderful women I met that selflessly gave of their hearts and placed their babies to a loving couples arms.  I remembered those who walked WITH me on my road of adoption. Who have continued to walk with me these 9 years later. I remember all the loving couples I have met who ache for their child to come to them.  And how they have to wait... with no ounce of knowing if/when they will be blessed to see their child. 

adoption is amazing.

Selfless people who choose to place their blood, to give them MORE. To give them everything they want!


So - here is to a do-over in the blog world.  I will do better, I promise.  I will do my best. Don't leave me if I have to go for a while:). 


In good news, I absolutely love the Spirit of CHRISTmas.  Mostly, cause this year truly is all about Christ.  I love it!!!!!!!!!!!